Conflicted

I am distracted today.  I am finding it hard to concentrate and work on anything.  As news continues to circulate around the death of Osama Bin Laden I find myself utterly conflicted.  What should my head and heart be feeling and thinking?...I am not sure.  I am conflicted because  I see in the teaching and example of Jesus, an undeniable direction away from violence and retribution towards transforming initiatives of peacemaking.  I also know that there are some passages that may suggest possible exemptions.  I am conflicted by how to best interpret the biblical witness.   I am even more conflicted with how to best apply those verses to current situations and contexts.   And all through the searching my heart is heavy.  I feel a sense of sadness and a sense of grief.  I am starting to recognize, however, that this heaviness is not because of the struggle and sense of being conflicted, but despite it.  It is this grief and sadness that is my honest, heartfelt response.
No matter where the intellectual searching may lead, no matter what conclusion I may draw, if any, I think that grief and sadness may still be the appropriate response.  In the end, there is one thing that is so clear, and that is how broken the world really is.  The mere fact that any of this ever happened, from 9/11 to the events of this week, is evidence of just how deeply flawed the world is and how pervasively sin has infected God's good creation.  The world is fallen and sinful and I believe that breaks God's heart.  Should not our hearts be broken as well?  Justifiably or not, another life has been taken, another soul is condemned to hell, another soldier may relive the trauma of taking a life, and more violence is likely to follow.   Add all this to the tragedy and horror of the events of 9/11 and maybe sadness and grief are the most appropriate response.