3 Keys to Build Community

There is a lot of talk and discussion about creating community these days.  I have come to appreciate Mike Breen and the folks at 3DM and there discussion of "oikos"-Family.  Similarly, I recently heard Jeff Vanderstelt of Soma ask if, when the world thought about the church, was the first metaphore that came to mind, Family.  Building community is a core principle of what we, at The Hamilton Fellowships do as well and so we were recently reflecting on what it means for our Fellowships, our Community, to be family.  After working through this idea together, here are three keys to build community family, that I came away with:

1) Eat Together
I recently received a beautiful birthday card from a group of Chinese students who have been connecting with one of our Fellowships and in it they thanked me for a number of different opportunities for community that they have experienced while hanging out with us.  In particular, they thanked us for all the different foods that they have been able to try.  I laughed.  We share a meal each week as we gather with our Fellowship, but we try to keep it fairly simple.  The point is the time together, sharing and conversations- the deep fellowship- that happens over food.  For international students I suppose it is a bit exotic, (to be honest my favourite times are when they bring the food!), but the relationships that are formed over a meal together probably contributes more than the food to their positive experiences.  Lets face it, families eat together and so if we want to be family then we need to do the same.  Keep it simple, do it potluck and have everyone help with the dishes.  It is well worth the effort.

2)  Play Together
One key difference between co-workers and family is that family are the ones that you go home to and plan your weekends or vacation.  When it comes time to play, we often play with family.  An hour or two together at an organized engagement is great, but not really enough to say that we are family.  When people are choosing to spend their down time together, then maybe we can say that we are family.  We try to create some opportunities for people to hang out together, sometimes in pace of a Fellowship, and often outside of our regular weekly meetings.  It can be as simple as a board game night where we open our home and anyone who is free brings a snack and a friend.  Even more important, however, are the times when one family is going to do something and casually invites another family or individual to join them.  These unstructured, organic connections say a lot about family.

3)  Teach One Another
Think about how much you learned, both formally and informally, from your mom or dad, grandparents or maybe a special aunt or uncle.   There is an organic discipleship that happens in family as we learn to speak, ride a bike or to cook the famous family recipe.  There are natural mentor relationships that can happen within family.  Organic and Natural, however, still require intentionality.  How are we mentoring and teaching others in our "family."  As a parent, I love the idea of my children learning by watching, engaging and spending time with other mature adults who care for them. 

How can you limit this to just three?!?  I want to add praying together (if we are talking specifically spiritual communities), and working together (Alan Hirsh has great thoughts about "Communitas" in Forgotten Ways) BUT I will hold myself back and open it up to you.  These are three keys that we identified, what others would you add to the list?